dag 94 Physical effort

kopatiWe have a big garden and there is a lot to do. Today I went to do some work. Beautiful whether, I removed some plants, peppers, eggplants, and courgette because they don’t grow anymore. But there is so many weed all around the broccoli, coals. So I started to remove some weed with a tool (I don’t know in English) to dig. The soil is very hard and there are a lot of stones in the soil. After half an hour I did not like it anymore. I felt a big resistance to stoop, I felt irritated because this is a never-ending job. I felt also disappointed because I cannot give the effort to do more.  I cannot work for a long time in the garden, because it makes me desperate, when I look around everywhere I see weed. Before I had never a garden, worked as a secretary, and did not much physical work except household.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically feel and think that working in the garden is too tiresome for me like digging in the hard soil with a lot of weed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when I perceive that I get tired and irritated after a short time I worked in the garden.

I do not like to do heavy physical work what is tiresome.  When I have to do physical work I feel a resistance and put it off until later.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to anticipate when I have to do heavy physical work like working in the garden, I feel a resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that working in the garden is too heavy for me because the soil is hard and there is so much weed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to interpret something like working in the garden is a tiresome job, because of the hard soil and a lot of weed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe I can never finish this job because it is too much and too heavy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that working in the garden is heavy and I am not used to do such work, I did not grow up while doing this work like the people in a village.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe I more like to work in a office with a computer and to sit down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to interpret something like working in the garden is too heavy for me a 59-year old women while stooping and pushing in the soil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that I don’t like heavy physical work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe I don’t like heavy physical effort, because in the past when I want to do exercise like jogging I did not like it and when I was at school I did not like it to run laps too.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe I have to force myself to do a physical effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think believe physical effort is healthy for my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe I am lazy because I don’t like physical effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I want to have a beautiful garden with a little effort and a lot of vegetables.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get irritated by doing heavy work in the garden because I think the soil is hard and there is a lot of weed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get irritated because I think our garden is too big to be beautiful, it is too much work, the soil is too hard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel tired after a short time because I think the work is too heavy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel tired after a short time working in the garden because I am all the time in my mind and not in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to get tired from physical work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am like my father who was lazy too.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I don’t like physical effort and I am lazy because I am preprogrammed as a child because I cannot remember I ever liked to run or to do physical effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel desperate when I look around and see a lot of weed and because when I remove it in a few days it comes back.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel desperate because I want to finish the job in a short time and want to enjoy a beautiful garden.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to feel desperate because I think I cannot do a big physical effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointed because I could not give a big effort to work in the garden.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointed because I wanted to do much more than I did.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to work unstructured while I was moving from one place to another  instead of finishing one plot and then start another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to work unstructured because I did not want to work in the garden and looking for some distraction instead of here in the physical.

When and as I see myself thinking when I have to work in the garden and feel resistance because I think it is too heavy for me I stop and breathe. I realize all kind of resistances against physical efforts are with me for a long time as I remember. I commit myself to do physical activities as much as I can, because I see a lot of benefits like growing your own vegetables and it is very healthy for my body to do physical exercise.

When and as I see myself making a resistance to do a physical effort I stop and breathe. I realize I have to do physical effort to be fit and flexible, especially when you get older. I commit myself to do the effort when needed as much as possible.

When and as I see myself working unstructured I stop and breathe. I realize working unstructured is being in my mind and not here. I realize when I am unstructured I don’t want to be here and I am looking for something else as a distraction. Instead, I work structured and finish one plot and later I do another one.

 

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Over marjajourney

OVER MIJN BLOG in deze procesblog beschrijf ik gedachten, gevoelens en emoties die niet van mij zijn, zij zijn slechts een systeem van de mind en niet wie ik werkelijk ben. Door middel van adem, zelfoprechtheid , zelfvergeving en zelfverantwoording, stop ik met het voeden van het mindsysteem in elk moment, om zo te kunnen realiseren wie ik werkelijk ben.
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